One, two, three, four

I declare a race war.

My sexist self thinks men can have a large family and career, but women can't

I belittle Sarah Palin's decision to mother five children - including an infant with Down syndrome - and further claim that because of this, she has neither the time nor the experience to become vice president.

I'm not just awake, I'm awake and afraid the awesomeness of her power on the ticket

I've pointed out the obvious problems with Sarah Palin not just because I know how to use Google, but because I'm afraid of her.

Republican Redneck's Liberal Identification System

Redneck Republican has developed this simple system to help weed out liberals. He calls it his Liberal Identification System (LIS).

• Minorities. HeI have talked to them, and found these people just plain stupid!
• French. They would speaking German right now it it were not for us. And how do they pay us back? They defied Saint Bush in the run up for the Iraqi War. It is unbelievable to me that after 5 years after the war began, they still cannot see the wisdom of the war.
• People with accents. Heck, I don’t even think that God can understand some of these retard Europeans.
• College Professors. They devise these wicked curriculums, and the underlying goal is to get young people to think and use logic undermining key Republican and conservative ideals.
• Charities. Is there any doubt that Bill Gates is a liberal? He quits his day job to give away his money to improve world health.
• Non Christians. God sent down his one and only son to save the world, and these non Christians are choosing to ignore God’s generosity.
• Immigrants. Just another bunch of free loading poor people that don’t speak English.
• Writers. Remember Abu Ghraib? Of course you do, and so do the terrorist. What about Guantanomo Bay? The liberal media keeps on printing this stuff, and we will never win the war on terror, and our children will never be safe.
• Hollywood. I have actually considered boycotting movies but it just isn’t any fun, even though every time I know that I am putting more money in a liberal’s pocket. Why can’t someone come out with some great movies by conservatives?

I force conservatives to frame things in Marxist terms

The habits of my thinking are deeply ingrained and difficult to break. With the full force of the state behind my collectivist public ideology, brainwashing in the West has been ubiquitous and thorough. After four or five generations of an uninterrupted Socialist monologue, it is very difficult to frame arguments about public policy in anything other than my Marxist terms.

Before I ruined America, circa 1901, there wasvirtually no welfare state, yet it was extremely rare for anyone to starve, or to live in destitution.

McCarthy terrified me

I denounced McCarthy because I was afraid of getting caught, so I fought back like an animal to hide my own collaboration with a regime as evil as the Nazis.

I just don't get it I guess

Apparently, my policy positions are silly because they don't acknowledge the fact that capitalism discovered fire, hunting, monogamy, religion and hygiene.

A sheet in the wind

I have no sense of discretion and usually forget what I'm arguing about soon after other imaginary liberals judge newer causes (polygamy, discrimination against left-handers, etc.) to be more worthy.

My alternate reality

I am literally incapable of admitting I actually lost an election. I'm already preparing my excuses this time around.

My delusion about media control

I still live in a dream world and think I still control all the media and what "information" the electorate is exposed too.

Condition under which I love money

I love money as long it's in my pocket and not in the pockets of real Americans.

Opposition to corporal punishment has something to do with Hammer & Sickle t-shirts

Or something else that apparently casts me in an unfavorable light.

It's not just my policies that are unbecoming

I'm liberal because I'm ugly.

Iraq is a disaster in every meaning because I whine and moan

I'm painfully ignorant. No one, not even China or Russia, especially not some unorganized renegades in the middle east, is in the same league as the United States.

When I say we're losing the war in Iraq, I'm forgetting that we can crush any country in the world without losing a single life. We choose not to because I whine and moan.

People are the scourge of the planet

Human beings are parasites and viruses on this planet. I'll become very irate and upset if you disagree.

I don't want to spend my salary

I’m voting Liberal because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

Terrorists are people too

I feel the need to protect terrorists' privacy.

I'm not an environmentalist as much as I'm a communist

I don't care about the environment, I care about protecting my investments in the eco-commie movement.

Over my head

This type of posting is too sophisticated for me. Also too sophisicated and sofisicated.

That's ME!

I'm what's tearing our government apart today, while the war on terror (remember 9/11?) attacks us relentlessly from within and without.